can you keep a secret?

it happened again. my bed knows all of our story. i told her so many times. my pillow receives the tears i cry, night after night, so silently that i cant even hear it myself. it hurts. the wind seems to whisper your name. the pain always returns! even when you don't hurt me, i hurt myself. i wonder. it hurts! i dont want to face another day without you. where did you go? why did you leave me? why? i can't get you off my mind. i don't want to! what happened to you? what happened to us? what happened to our dream? night after night, after night, after night... this will never go away. what have i done to you? i don't deserve this sweet misery, the fears, the sleepless nights... the neverending unsureness. i wish you could hold me when the tears roll down my face. it hurts so much! what is in your mind? what is it keeping you away? my insanity talks to me. it brings me happiness for a moment. but in a flash all the pain returns. 3am... the memories are a good pain killer. you loved me. you wanted me. 'i still want you'. my hands gripping the sheets. i remember everything. your touch, your smeel... i reach out for your hands on my own body... where are they? i can't get it out of my head. stop! oh noooo.... i don't want to sleep. im feeling you sooo close to me now... i just need you to hold me. i just need to feel you close to me. help me baby, help me... i don't hear you anymore. the silent returned... 5am. the darkness infiltrate my soul. come back. my heart aches. my head is still pounding.