the stress...

i just got told yesterday that my written exam for the driving school is on August 5. at 8.30AM!! im done! lol i have less than a week to study and still i can not concentrate on it. i am very affraid to fail actually so i'm gona try to stay away from the pc on the next week and try to study really hard, make tests and see the results... to whoever reads this, please wish me luck! i really need it lol so no updates on the blog till next thursday if all goes well, i'll be back on that night to tell the news. im actually more excited about the driving lessons, that only start on August 10. ive never drove a car on my entire life, only when i was young my dad used to sit me on his lap and let me do it on our street heheh and later my grandfather used to do the same to me. so thats my only 'experience' lol my monitor will be a girl which i find very nice and makes me confortable to talk to so i think it will be easy... let's wait and see :-)

nightmare [prose]

then why am i here? i've lived this a million times before. the same shadows, the same sounds... the same fears. the dark is scary but so confortable... so peacefull. who turned off the lights for us? are you still there? i felt you so close and then i lost everything in a second. now i only hear the wind and your whimpering voice... but you're not there. my eyes are open but there is no light. i hear the wind again. i think its you asking for help... oh god please we need light! i reach out for you but the darkness is infinitive. i feel you but you're not here. the wind whimpers... i know its you crying for help. i crawl and i cry for the light. i need to find you. this neverending floor is pushing me down, taking my strenght... i won't give up! the dispair takes over me, i let my body fall back in a scream for help. save us. someone save us. then my hand falls over yours. i hold it... its so cold that it freezes my heart. nooooooooo!!!!!!
then i wake up screaming your name...
 
note: this is my first attempt, 5 minutes of boredom. not to be taken serious. only my feelings.

country on fire

Sad news
It's the same every single year by this time. Every year, when the wheather starts going really hot, i turn on the tv and the first thing i hear on the news is "our contry is on fire". damn hundreds of people lose their houses and alot of them lose their lifes because of some f*cking maniacs that play with other peoples lifes setting fire on everything they can! last year 1/3 of Portugal was burnt by the end of the summer. this year might be even worse cause of the wheather conditions. let's just hope not...

conceptions (by Luis Royo)

CONCEPTIONS
From the idea of a travel book which gathers the whole creation process of a picture, this volume is a collection of sketches and pictures made with pencils that bear witness to the high quality of Luis Royo as a creative artist, with works that go from chivalry genre to witchery.

For more information visit LuisRoyo.com and also LuisRoyoGallery to see scans of all of his books.

image books and stuff

~update~
well, as i posted earlier i was planing to create an image books photo gallery and here it is! i added it on "my links" on the right. two books started but some little problems with the jon bon jovi one... first i need to find pictures dated so i can make a biographic image book (thats the idea for it) and then i dont know what to write along with the images, because only the images make the pages look abit naked. as for now i have 10 pages for 'The Prohibited Book' and 2 of 'The Jon Bon Jovi Book'. let's see what i do with them.
~tu rulas~
I can't f*cking believe this sh!t!! ok, you know the "you rule" cliché, right? ok, that already sucks in english. but can you imagine how annoying it is reading that mixed with portuguese in a portuguese board?? OMFG!! it drives me crazy!! what in english is i rule, you rule, he/she/it rules, they turn into eu rulo, tu rulas, ele/ela/isto rula... oh and they also, not very often, do the same with "you rock"... tu rockas... urgh!!!

distance (old poem)

I feel unprotected without the safety of your arms around me
Lonely among thousands of people who think they know it all
But there's something in my heart that in their eyes I can't see
I can't see the pain I feel when you're not there to aid me if I fall

I can't see the despair of the lack of your touch
The fire that burns just to think you're so far away
No one told me it would hurt so much
I wonder if sometimes you feel the same way

But it's the nights that drive me mad
The bed feels cold and empty without your presence
Tears run down my face - it hurts really bad
I try to sleep but I can not on your absence

One day I will feel the peace of your embrace
One day there won't be more tears to cry
I know you will hold me and put a smile on my face
That has to happen even if it's the last thing before I die
 
(this poem i wrote some time ago...)

would you...? (old poem)

Would you... 
...care if I died this night?
...cry if that thought crossed your mind?
...wake me up to make sure I was alright?
...hold me close to feel my heart beat?
...be quiet so you could hear me breath?
...promise your heart will always be mine?
...tuck me in your arms to sleep again?
...kiss me softly to say good night? 
 
Because for you... I would.
 
(this poem i wrote some time ago...)

ive cut my nails lol

yeah i know it sounds stupid to post this on a blog but i'll explain. ive always loved to have big nails, make my hands look prettier so i always keep them long and arranged. but ive been noticing that the skin under the root of the nails was growing... i didn't care that much but now ive had to cut my beautiful wonderful amazing nails because that skin is growing too much, and i can´t cut my nails properly anymore. i can't cut them very short anymore because of that, i would have to cut skin and that would hurt. now im trying to remove it slowly err using the biting sistem lol and i hope it works, i want my nails back :( lol i can't let them grow like this though....

prohibited book

   i know its plagium hehe but only the name. my head is full of unfinished ideas, but this one doesn't have to have an end actually. im creating a book of images. each image is related to a word. each image with a special meaning for me. the inspiration was taken from a similar book, but it was on a web page with pictures of ladies from the past, the antique "porn". click here to see it. i'd love to know how to do the turning the pages effect, but i'll resign to my ignorance an create a photopic account for it for now... the background (the book) will be the same and as i said it doesnt have an ending. i'll just keep on adding more and more pages as i find interesting images.

~update~
   im also thinking about doing the same with pictures of jon bon jovi, but like a life time book you know... pictures since he was a child until now... let's see what i end up doing heheh

movies

Love Actually
 it's been a long time since i watched this movie... before christmas i guess, but i never posted it here and it surelly deserves it. now im thinking about getting the dvd to watch it again. i remember it as a very funny movie, but also very touching. the image i chose to represent it its taken from one of my favourite scenes! how beautiful was that!... also to remember the amazing performance of our actress Lúcia Moniz, that surprised me once again.

Vampires: Los Murtos

 oooook. finally after a long time i watched it! i loved the first one and this one is not bad either. but of course one of the main reasons i had to watch it is because my fav. singer/man/sex symbol :p is on it... Jon Bon Jov, which you can see on this amazing wallpaper of the movie. another reason i like it was the fake priest heheh Christian De La Fuente (on the picture on the right). ohh im feeling soo religious now lol but now seriously, i liked the movie, only was expecting something more... chocking. a vampire movie should be more shocking, i guess this one was abit more soft than the first one. and Jon's acting was not so bad as people say... i didn't end up saying "ah, it would be better without him". it was ok...

The Butterfly Effect

Disturbing, touching... it made me thing about the choices i make in my life, and how they have been affecting my desteny. but in reality there's no turn back. you need to lean to let go. get hurt. cry. don't be selfish! yeah i got a little too carried away by the movie, it brings a depressive mood after watching it. but that's life, there's no happy ending.

updates on me

... and also on the blogger dashboard! have you noticed how cool it is now? :) lots of editing icons and also now you can upload pictures hehehe very nice.

but now me... im now taking only 2,5 mg of cortizone, the doctor reduced it to half of what i was taking... but... im getting fatter every month. in september i was 64 kg... of course it was because i was very ill, but i like to be that way, i was so elegant! now im only 81,1 kg... omg two months ago i was 78,5 its happening so fast! and the worse is i can do nothing really. i don't eat that much though i have to reduce it too, and the only thing is that i need to move more... do more exercise... but other than that (being fat) im actually feeling great! no pain, everyone tells me i look pretty, im trying to get back to my priorities again: driving licence, school and exercise! after summer (cause i won't be here all the time) im going to another gym but this time with a personal trainer and machines and that stuff... i think it will be better cause aerobics was not exactly what i need... hmm can't explain really, but the doctor said its better so i'll believe it lol now i need to study (yes, its summer, but hey...) oh also my best friend is having her history exam today, for the second time. i hope it goes well, i don't want to see her around at school next year ;-)

poem 04

i fill this emptiness with an attempt to survive
everything i cant live without is too painful to live with
when you close your eyes and cannot sleep only i know the reason why
when you wake from your nightmares should be mine the tears you cry
my own mistakes make me feel everyday a little less alive
life fades away every minute, every second... i feel weak

i needed to feel your love to keep me away from the sin
i needed you to blind me from temptation with your sweetness
i should have said no when there was still time
i shouldnt have crossed the damn slim line
unwanted and broken i fall from my skin
there's no turn back, in your eyes there's no forgiveness

heavy and guilty, conscience you never leave me alone
how can i survive without the light of your existence
have pity of this unblessed soul and lie
a lie isn't as hard for my heart as goodbye
don't make me live this unfair cruel life on my own
don't make me fight this unbearable absence

Rakel, 15 July 2004

- might be added and/or changed something -

Waterboy

Waterboy
i saw this commercial for the first time in september when i was in france and since then ive been trying to find it. Its the Evian Waterboy singing "We will rock you" by Queen. Lovelly!

Waterboy - Evian (right click - save as...) to download the movie in MOV. format. The file is 12.9 MB. You need Quicktime to watch this movie.

[stolen from: Brainstorm #9]

"that's life..." - hate to hear this!

This was another sad day for me. nothing actually happened to me, but once again, that's not what hurts me most. firstly my best friend failed one of her exams, the most important one for her, she's studying hard for the second round now. if she fails again she will have to repeat the whole year with one single subject: history! ive been on my school today, one of the few good things today, and i saw my history teacher. was good to see him, he kinda gave me the strenght i need to start all over again. i thought everyone was going to shout at me after what happened, but they didnt... they were even worried. my teacher told me that next year the program will be different, and it will be much easier for the kind of student i am. he said i will love it (me, loving history!? well i do like it, but my marks are really depressing except the 17/20 i've had that fell from heaven two years ago). but the saddest thing i knew only a few hours ago. one of my cousins was pregnant. all of us knew it was a risky pregnancy but we had faith that with all the treatment it would go well this time. i always found it strange how her periods never stopped for 5 months. today we received the sad new that she was now at home, but had been in the hospital for a long time cause she lost her baby last week. if he had lived, he was going to born with no bones on his arms and one of his legs. it was the biggest dream she ever had, to be a mother. and this son was her hope. she's really down, i hope she gets through it, i know it isnt easy but shes still young and can try it again... in 6 months aparantly, though i think she should wait at least 1 year! in a way i think it was better like this, the poor child wouldnt live much longer anyway... i get a little scared cause i know this is all very dangerous for her cause shes taking the same medicin that i am, only err about 4 times more... but still if i get pregnant one day, it will be very dangerous. for me of course, i have to stop with the medication, but for the baby as well. i never wanted to have kids but when i think about things this way it makes me sad. it makes me feel usless actually.
To end the gossip for today, two little things: my friend from the casting calls me everyday. she live "near" the place where i'm going for hollidays so she might spend a week in my house, lets see =) im also going to call my sister, i want her to spend a weekend or so at my house, now that the painting is over. i have to wait for my dad to come though, someone has to bring her here and pick her up when its time to go and i cant do everything lol oh, and my neighbour here, a 13 year old girl, her parents are building her a house cause she's going to get married :s so young!!! ive heard she has a boyfriend, a serious thing... weird people!
well "that's life"...

Dolls

I've discovered recently that there is more to the dolls world thank just the annoying ones the "patty" girls post in their blogs. Actually some of them are changing, and i started clicking at one link, then another and discovered the amazing pixel dolls world. you have no idea how hard is to create a high qualitly doll in ms paint, but this example is a good one. and of course along the way ive found some amazing ones, but my favourites are this doll of P!nk, really looks like her, and this Depressed Girl, the shades and the forms are amazing. Now i am doing an effort to create something, on a base of course cause i could not create the bodies... then i'll have the base done, and i'll create the hair and clothes. i have made this scene here as well, with two dolls i found recently. i love it! =)

Dark Writer

You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat fear in your readers. You love to poke their brains with logic dealing with the darker side of the human mind and character. Truly surprising and a true individual, you'll do ANYTHING to create a scene.
What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

:s am i??

Some cool stuff

MatchBox - up side down effects
Game: The Girl Without Head - If anyone can go any further than the 3rd lever please comment explaining me how!
Game: Bash The Haggis
Game: Abba to zappa - do you really know everything about music?
Games: ORISINAL - To the game addicted
Game: The Polifonic Spree - a very sweet little game.
Did you ever see a Smilie's back side?
Restaurant Under Water: click here
Amazing wallpapers: Shifted realitty
Marcomedia Animations - really cool!
PIXAR: Short Movies Fron the "Nemo" Producers...
Hong Kong Image Gallery

Ídolos

Pop Idol :: The pre-kasting adventure

oh boy! what a big day! started early and i was shaking already. way too nervoyus i thought. i knew the songs i was going to sing for so long but each times i tried to sing, i completelly forgot the lyrics. "this is going to be good" i thought. Hotel Alfa was my destination when i left home. i got there, and when i saw more than 500 people waiting outside i really thought going back home! my ticket was number 1157 so i had alot to wait i though. meanwhile, under a very hot sun, i started talking with the people around me. one i already knew from other casting, and i recogniced his face from tv also. he's nicer than he looks like actually. another guy in front of me, Paulo (i asked him his name later), we started talking about how nervous we were, and how worthless this would be cause from all of this people only few would go any further... then a girl next to me started talking to, shes the one who i talkd to most, she was really nervous, but really nice girl! after some hours waiting for the papers we had to fill in, they said "be back at 14.30h, lunch break now". Great!! more waiting!! and at 14.30 there we were again, after going to have lunch on a restaurant nearby with Carla (the girl next to me), and we all sat on the stairs to the hotel as people were arriving and sitting, and we would all sing together some well know songs... when they finally opened the hotel doors they took us to a big room... waiting room of course. always waiting! then the cameras got in. Pedro Granger and Silvia Alberto arrived some time later to dance and play with us. they had to film a little sketch for the first program. after that was just taking pictures and even talking to us, giving advices and just being nice. well i was getting more and more nervous at each second, and so was Carla who was sitting next to me. Paulo couldnt stay quiet on the same place. when they finally called our numbers, i was between him and the other guy i said i know from tv. Paulo's heart was almost jumping out from his chest lol. then we sat on the chairs next to the door of the room where we were going to be heard. that time Silvia came to talk with us, sat on the floor just next to me and said "ah im so tired. we were filming upstair on a swivel-door (sp??) and we've been there for over an hour to film 5 minutes" lol she's very nice, and even more pretty in reality than in tv. well when i finally got in my voice was shaking so much, i was so nervous, of course i could not be accepted, but i think its understandable after 8 hours waiting... none of us 4 passed, they were just looking for show off people i think. let's see how many of them can sing in september. well, ive never seen Paulo again, he had to take his car off the park or he would have to pay a high fine for the hours he had been there so he probably ran away as fast as he got out. Carla said she was too nervous too, and her voice wouldnt come out properly. the other guy was told again it was not what they were looking for... again! well then we got back home and at night i called Carla to know how she was and she said she got home, she was ok and that she had not come she would regret it cause it was a well nice day (she lives just 300+ km away). well, at the end i can say it was a well nice day to remember. at least i can say ive been there and met the presenter, specially Pedro Granger :p he's even nicer live :)

Bon Jovi song

What Bon Jovi Song Are You?


You're BOUNCE. You're quite energetic, and nothing ever seems to keep you from getting what you want. Even though you may over-do it at times.

i dont agree with it though. i think its more all i would like to be, but im not lol

Tenacious D :: Fuck Her Gently

LMAO well this going along with Eamon :: I Don't Want You Back gives me a slight feeling that some people earn money on the easier way! lol

"Fuck Her Gently"

This is a song for the ladies
But fellas listen closely
You don't always have to fuck her hard
In fact sometimes that's not right to do
Sometimes you've got to make some love
And fuckin give her some smoochies too
Sometimes ya got to squeeze
Sometimes you've got to say please
Sometime you've got to say hey
I'm gonna Fuck you softly
I'm gonna screw you gently
I'm gonna hump you sweetly
I'm gonna ball you discreetly
And then you say hey I bought you flowers
And then you say wait a minute sally
I think I got somethin in my teeth
Could you get it out for me
That's fuckin teamwork
Whats your favorite posish?
That's cool with me
Its not my favorite
But I'll do it for you
Whats your favorite dish?
Im not gonna cook it
But ill order it from Zanzibar
And then I'm gonna love you completely
And then I'll fuckin fuck you discreetly
And then I'll fucking bone you completely
But then I'm gonna fuck you hard
Hard

Video - You gota watch this one!! LOL

Parabéns Grécia!

Não é por ser Portuguesa, mas acho mesmo que Portugal devia ter ganho o título. Temos os melhores jogadores, mas enfim. Apenas um podia ganhar! Ficam na memória a festa e a união nacional em torno do sonho que hoje vimos desfeito. É sempre importante ganhar, mas mais importante é termos a certeza que independentemente do resultado somos os melhores!

PORTUGAL

Tony Carreira :: O Pimba!

Ok, ok... É pimba, mas é o melhor pimba que temos em Portugal! Desdepequenina que me lembro das festas da aldeia, e não houve um único ano em que as suas músicas não sejam tocadas nos bailes! Obviamente a que mais me marcou foi "Coração Perdido", mas por razões que a própria razão desconhece hehe mas ao longo dos anos, ouvindo sempre as mesmas músicas acabaram por me ficar no ouvido. Aqui fica a letra de algumas do meu mestre do "pimba"!

CORAÇÃO PERDIDO

Sei que tens passado à minha porta
Tens-me procurado por aí
Mas hoje o que fazes não me importa
Quero até que penses que morri
Quando tu escolheste outro caminho
Tanto que eu chorei a implorar
Pra não me tirares do teu destino
Mas tu foste embora sem ligar
REFRÃO:
Hoje estás com ele por mim a chorar
Coração perdido louco por voltar
Hoje estás com ele mas pensas em mim
Coração perdido tu quiseste assim
Tu trocaste tudo o que eu te dava
Pelo que julgavas ser melhor
Hoje vives numa linda casa
Que tem tudo mas não tem amor
Amor que procuras nos teus passos
Cada vez que ao meu encontro vens
Coisas que tu tinhas nos meus braços
E nos braços dele tu não tens
REFRÃO
Eu agora peço-te por tudo
Que não me procures nunca mais
É melhor que fiques no teu mundo
Porque o meu desgosto já lá vai
REFRÃO

DIZ MAL DE MIM

REFRÃO:
Podes chamar-me tudo, chamar-me louco e até bandido
Diz mal de mim agora pelas loucuras que eu fiz contigo
Podes chamar-me tudo pelos desgostos que já te dei
Diz mal de mim agora mas nunca digas que nunca te amei
Eu sei que andas dizendo tão mal de mim
No fundo tens direito para eu ter feito tudo o que fiz
És dona da verdade, toda a razão te dou
Mas diz bem da metade de mim que tanto amou
REFRÃO
Diz o que tu quiseres dessa maneira tão violenta
Pois todo o teu rancor sempre é melhor que a tua indiferença
Podes cruxificar-me, eu mereço o pior
Mas não podes culpar-me de não ter dado amor
REFRÃO

QUANDO ERAS MINHA

Eu tive noticias tuas por uma amiga
Que me falou da tristeza em que tu vivias
Sentes saudades minhas e mais ainda
Há muito que viste a falta que eu te fazia
Contou-me que vives só e abandonada
Que o outro não quer saber como eu de ti
Que choras arrependida da escolha errada
Podendo voltas atrás voltavas para mim
REFRÃO:
Porque não choravas nem andavas tão sózinha
Nem adormecias abraçada ao cobertor
E para além de amante um amigo sempre tinhas
Quando eras minha tinhas muito mais amor
Ao saber da tua sina de infelicidade
Confesso que tive mais pena do que rancor
De voltar a dar-te a mão eu tive vontade
No fundo não te desejo tanta dor
Pensei mandar-te um recado para que voltasses
O medo falou mais alto e não o fiz
Depois de vencer a mágoa talvez quem sabe
Eu de novo faça tudo para seres feliz
REFRÃO

ahhhh bons velhos tempos!!