random thoughts

1. hypocrites - hate them, hate them, hate them!! urgh!
2. i have still alot of xmas gifts to buy but i don't want to, i hate to go shopping and then come home and still be miserable, i hate going out and have a nice time and coming back and see its all so ephemeral and meaningless, at the end of the day i am still the same lonely sad bitch.
3. i have homework to do... that i should have done for over a month but i can't be bothered cause i hate philosophy.. should hand it in tomorrow. i'll try my best. maybe i'll end it after this post.
4. i wanna go see the big xmas tree!! and take some pictures =)
5. will i want to know in the future what i used to think in the past (now)? will i even remeber what i think now? do all of the memories fade away with time!? maybe nothing but time is invencible (ow, how poetic!)
6. its been raining and thundering abit. (ok, no i don't think memories fade away, at least not easily..)
7. its nearly 5am, what am i still doing online?.. will i ever get to sleep tonight?.. why is it so hard for me to get to sleep? i wish i had a turn on and off button so i could sleep peacefully at least once.
8. do i really have to do that philosophy shit!? what do i care if they thought knowledge is acquired from past lifes or that death is a transition.. urgh
9. ..and the geography test - omfg!!!!! save me!
10. gotta go now or i wont stop writting.. gonna handwrite my homework.. it has to be fucking handwritten!! *rollseyes*

Thoughts

"tell yourself a hundred times that forever starts today"
everyone asks me "if you are portuguese why is your bog mostly written in english?". i say its not only my blog - its everything i do online and everything i have a chance to. i don't know how this passion for the language started (hell i dont know why am i talking about it) and i am aware that i am not perfect at it, but i think i can't live without it anymore. it's not that i don't like my own language but i personaly think everything sounds much better in english.. maybe i was influenciated by the media.. maybe because its the "universal language".. i think it started with the music. i listened to songs and i wanted to know what the lyrics meant, what did they talked about.. and i still wonder how some people dont like it/try to learn it.. cause its everywhere you know!?.. anyways.. i don't know why im talking about this. its past 5am. maybe im just bored. maybe im too tired and am in a state worse than drunk. its a scape i guess. thought about writting about how great school is going for me, but my own happiness makes me sick sometimes - its superficial. all "for the picture" kind of life. ok so school is going well. i made 4 tests so far (each corresponds to one unit) and i passed all of them. im happy and surprised for that, cause unlike other people say, i find it harder to study at night. its our own responsability. they just provide us material to study and make the tests, we have to study on out own. its "easier" if you think on the actuall test you wont have to talk about everything on the unit, but that doesnt mean you dont have to study everything, so it doesnt make it any easier. however, this should be making me happy, and it does for a few hours, but then its all back, im still the same anti-social "miserable fuck" (too much dav ford latelly i know). hmm gonna go to bed i guess, cry myself to sleep watching the sunrise i guess *yawn* maybe read alittle first. nite all (whoever reads this shit!? *rollseyes*)

sleepless night

tired. of everything, of the pain. the phisical and the psycological. of the night. of the day. of the night. of studying. of living. of people. of being who i am. shy. anti-social. fearful. i fear being wrong. suffering even more. even being happy. and making other suffer. it hurts. it burns. it tortures. the memories. the moments. the past. not letting go. the fear of the future. of what i cannot erase. of what i cannot fix. of live that doesnt stop and it's stealing me what i don't have. i love you.

* LAST.FM
it's a very interesting site that you should visit and join if you like music as much as i do.

**I can't help it, for as much as i want to! have you noticed the numbers of sites listed under my name on the right!? dear god! i need to stop!!

Hoje sinto-me assim.

Notinha: A Optimus está a oferecer aos clientes Clix a oportunidade de aderir ao tarifário Chat (1.500 sms's por semana grátis entre Optimus, para sempre).
Notinha #2: Mudei as definições dos comentários, agora se quiserem comentar têm de inserir um código, mas pelo menos acabei com a m*rda dos spammers!

another doctor visit

I'm going to talk abit about my visit to the doctor today, I guess I need to let it all out. I'm not sure if I loved it yet... He's an homeopathic (if you have no idea go here). That alone scared me abit, I guess the idea of "alternative" medicine isn't very well accepted yet, at least here. But everyone says he is great and honestly, I'm up for anything, I just want to feel healthier. Anything but spiritual/spells shit anyway. I was proposed that already as well but I said no, I'm really not into that kind of stuff. Ok, so we went and tried. The doctor was a very nice guy to start with. He only analized my eyes, and from that he told me everything: (apart from having chron desiese wich i had already told him) that I cannot sleep properly, that I constantly dream, that I have alot of nightmares sometimes, that I'm a very patient and aparantly calm person, but also very persistent and demanding with myself, that I don't like to fail, that I worry about others more than with myself, that when I'm in bed my right foot is warmer so I hang it out of bed (lol but true), that i have scists (sp??) my left ovary, that my body produces alot of air (ahem *rolls eyes*), that i have bronchitis and renitis (if thats spelt wrong go and complain the online translator), that my hands are numb when i wake up or stay too much time in the same position, that my blood pressure is always low, that walking is a torture for me cause i feel heavy and it makes me exhausted... everything he said was right, and i didnt open my mouth to say a word other than to agree with him, and he was saying all those things just from looking into my eyes with a magnifying glass. I kinda knew it was possible cause i've heard of a book that talks about that, i even wanted to get it but its like everything i say id like to do, then i never really do anything (and he said that about me as well, that i make a thousand plans but never really do much. and when people think what i did is remarkable, they have no idea how much is going through my head). So, after that i showed him some exams i had done previously and he read them and said its exactly what he was expecting blah blah blah. now making it short cause im taking alot of time here. he gave me some medicins to take, natural stuff (on the site i mentioned above they talk about the substances they use as well). ow and he recommended me 2 books and said if im quiet and have many ideas/thoughs i should write alot. at the end i was wondering if he was more a psychologist than an homeopathic... but anyway, i'll probably start taking that medicine tomorrow, my mum is afraid that it wont be good for me or makes me feel worse... she never liked the idea of that doctor anyway.. ok, thats the longest ive written for a while lol enough now.

msn lines

silly... deep... oh!...

- Trying To 4get Some1 U Loved,Is Like Trying To Remember Some1 U Never Knew!
- You didnt crush me...'oh no my darling...you completely destroyed me.
- The reason I know you don't love me, is because the day I walked out your door, you didn't stop me.
- She types "I'll be okay" as the tears run down her face.
- You Never know how much u love someone until you see them with someone else.
- ii`m doiing an assiingment in class 0n wh0 iis the best kiisser .. can ii test y0u 0ut ? (haha alright that was just funny)
- You remind me of a .s o n g. i used to lOVE (uh-oh!)
- & When you held me, I think I might have left my heart in your arms
- > so lets be a scrapbook couple < smile in every picture && fight behind every camera
- When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
- u look sweet mind if i lick u? (LOL ok, sorry)
- just because i dont talk to you, or look at you doesnt mean i dont love you. it means that im just afraid that you dont feel the same way as i do.
- i CaN't WaiT fOrEvEr fOr YoU EveN tHoUgH YoU aNd I AnD eVeRYoNe eLsE kNoWs I WiLl.
- never give up on someone ,who u cant go a day without thinkin about.
- I sit here and wait for something that is never going to happen.
- there's always something more you'd wish he'd say...

and that was my silly moment of the day =)

Dideroy

Sic, Levanta-te e ri, 7 de Novembro de 2005 - I LOVE YOU COMO NUNCA I LOVIEI NINGUÉM!!!woohooo - parabéns Dinho!!

love is...

attention, attraction, care, expectation, amaze, stress, shy, friendship, trust, honesty, laughter, support, partnership, cherrish, affection, desire, joy, passion, pleasure, emotion, seduction, karma, fate, understanding, forgiveness, comunication, aception, misery, frustration, torture, pain... who wants to go on!?

ema's - vencedores e favoritos

já que não estive lá, pelo menos aqui fica a minha opinião...
vencedores e favoritos
BEST GROUP
-green day (sim, este ano subiram na minha consideração)
-gorillaz
BEST R&B
-Alicia keys (porque sinceramente tanto me faz, não é bem o meu género de música)
BEST MALE
-robbie williams (fucking right!!!)
BEST NEW ACT
-james blunt (fucking right!!!!!)
BEST PORTUGUESE
-the gift
-humanos (acho eu, não é...)
BEST FEMALE
-shakira (ow yeah! sexy, linda, uma voz fantástica!)
BEST SONG
-coldplay (okkkkk...desculpa lá bluntzito)
BEST ROCK
-green day (fuck yeah!!!!!!)
BEST ALTERNATIVE
-system of down (não tenho a certeza quanto a favoritos)
BEST ALBUM
-green day (ok, aqui acho que uma decisão entre green day, u2 e coldplay era dificil!)
BEST HIP-HOP
-snoop dog (whatevaaaa, sinceramente nem o conheço)
BEST POP
-black eyed peas (odeio-os, simplesmente)
-robbie williams
bem pelo menos fiquei contente de saber que o robbie vai voltar em junho... essa não perco eu!!

recomendações musicais

Novidades:



Outros:
Counting Crows
Dashboard Confessional
David Ford
Jack Johnson
Jack's Mannequin
James Blunt
Jesse Malin
Something Corporate

vão já ouvir - rápido!!